Don’t “Should” On Yourself…
Don’t “Should” On Yourself…
If your home is cluttered and causing you anxiety, it’s a great idea to hire a professional home organizer. Having an organized home is immensely helpful for you and your family for many reasons. However, there's a difference between having an organized home and having the “perfect” home. The pursuit of perfection often leads to “shoulding on yourself,” to which I say, “don’t should on yourself!”
As a professional home organizer, I frequently hear clients say, “I should be more organized…” “I should be more on top of things…” “I should… etc.” It’s time we give ourselves a break. Everyone's “to-do” lists are so long they rival the receipts from Rite Aid (ha! Why are their receipts so long??), and it’s no wonder we feel overwhelmed.
Lists are fantastic for staying organized, but when a client shows me their list and says, “I should…,” I often ask, “Why?” Are you saying, “my home should look like XYZ” because you saw it on Instagram or because The Home Edit Show on Netflix makes you feel like everything needs to be in rainbow order? What works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for you. And if you saw it on Instagram, remember that you don’t know what the next room over looks like—it could be a complete mess. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Instagram and organizing items by ROYGBIV, but only when it makes sense and makes me feel good.
I recently had a client who travels for work and felt they “should” unpack their suitcase when they return home, but they only ever unpack it when they have to travel again. I suggested they don't unpack it—just take out the dirty clothes and leave the rest in there until their next trip. I can hear some of you now: “But their clothes will be wrinkled...” That’s okay. This client doesn’t like unpacking when they get home and feels they “should” learn to be that person, but why? Is it causing anyone harm? As long as it's safe and sanitary, it’s fine. The client’s remedy to becoming the person who unpacks their suitcase upon return was to leave their suitcases on the floor open, but they never unpacked them and the clutter of the suitcases caused them stress. So, I advised them to put the suitcases away to relieve the stress without unpacking them and wait until their next trip. No more stress inducing clutter, and my client doesn’t have to completely rewire themselves.
Another example of a client “shoulding” on themselves, is a mom who felt she “should” move her daughter’s hairbrush to the bathroom because that’s where hair should be done. But they were a busy family and that’s where the hair doing got did - in the kitchen. So why not do the hair in the kitchen - it works with the morning flow of getting ready for school and getting everyone out the door in time. It won’t be like that forever either, because her daughter will do her own hair one day and will choose where her hairbrush will be.
I must admit that I am guilty of “shoulding” on myself, but I’m getting better at giving myself grace. My home is organized, but it isn’t perfect, and some days it’s a mess. Then I remember, I have a 7-year-old, 2 cats, a husband who travels for work, so I solo parent part-time while also running a business… Sometimes I’m just tired, so a mess it is. Should I clean it? No. I’ll plop on the couch and watch Harry Potter for the umpteenth time with my daughter while we eat Trader Joe’s Hold the Cone Cones. I will clean my home when I have the energy. It tidies up quickly because it’s organized, but I “should” give myself grace and allow myself to have a messy home that is filled with love and sometimes tired messy people because that is just life. No more shoulding on ourselves.
My daughter Kora and I at the capitol building in Salem, OR